March 27, 2014

I have this dream...

Or maybe it's more of a wish? No lets stick with dream, it feels more romantic, which is most definitely the feeling I am trying to convey. And in this dream, I get a full night of sleep. I wake up when I'm rested and when the soft light of morning wakes me. Not when the baby wakes up hungry or when I hear "let it go, let it go!" being sung from the baby monitor (which is terribly cute, I must admit, but this is my dream remember?).  In this dream, rather than change two diapers and get everyone fed as soon as I'm woken up, I go for a run in our overly safe neighborhood that does not require me to stop and look for cars at every block. After my run I come home to a still and quiet house, help myself to a bowl of cereal and eat at my own leisurely pace. Not having to scarf it down before being asked to share by Madeline or having to run and help her with something. 

I shower in this dream without hearing a crying baby, or is that my imagination? I'm not on parade in my birthday suit for my two year old who keeps opening the shower curtain, leaving me freezing. I take a long, hot shower. Did I mention hot water is endless in this dream?  I blow dry my hair without having to stop Madeline from unwinding all the floss and filling her potty with hair bows. 

I'm not tied to a schedule of nursing, naps, snacks and diaper changes in this dream. I spend my day listening to my pandora station and working on things that fill my soul. I blog, I take pictures, I sew, I garden (haven't actually done this one, but it sounds nice in my head...), I paint, I create. I lay in a hammock and listen to the wind blow through the trees. I don't have to rush to get supplies out as soon as the kids are down for naps, then hurry and put stuff away a short forty minutes later. Time is no issue. It's just me and the stillness. The highlight of my day is completing a project, not that my two year old pooped in the toilet. There is no endless scattering of dishes, toys and books. I don't have to pick up the living room ten times in the course of the day. There is no traumatic five o'clock hour, no rushing to get dinner ready, no whiny children and no hungry husband. No cutting everything into bite size pieces only to have them be rejected. Nothing stopping me from eating a hot meal in peace.

I go to bed when I'm ready, feeling rested and satisfied. I don't stay up late finishing the things I couldn't get done during the day. My cup is full and I feel whole again. 

I get another full night of sleep, and wake up to... my family. My beautiful, wonderful, busy, sometimes chaotic, very needy but oh so perfect family. And I am happy. Happy they are there again. Glad they're my forever. Grateful that they need me. Because by golly I need them too.

Someday I'll have a day like that, probably more than I'll want. Someday I'll miss the tiny feet tip toeing into my room because "shhh... kiet (quiet), Wuke (Luke) is sleeping" only to have her forget a minute later exclaiming that the iPod isn't working. Someday I'll long for this precious stage of life filled with ups and downs and more love I ever knew was possible. This truly is a great life I have. But I wouldn't mind just a day to myself  :)

1 comment :

  1. Your posts are so eloquently written Sarah! And I love how many posts you have written lately! They truly touch my heart because I can totally relate! I miss that ability to take care of just me, not that I don't love being a mom I do. But it's hard and totally worth it but I miss some of that freedom you spoke of. Anyway know that I am always here for you and I am so grateful we are friends :)


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