December 29, 2015

on the day he turned two

On the day he turned two his cries for "mama" woke me up early. I pulled him into bed with us and he quickly fell asleep on me, just like when he was a baby.  I found myself uncomfortable, not quite as uncomfortable as the same day two years earlier, but uncomfortable nevertheless. Not wanting to adjust and risk waking him, sleep never found me. Instead I stayed awake with my big baby boy sleeping soundly in my arms, something that doesn't happen often. I thought about the gift it was to carry him for nine months, the painfully long ten days he was overdue and the joy when he finally came on his own, just hours before I was scheduled to be induced. 

I thought of the strength it took to deliver him, how I didn't think I could do it, then I did. I thought of how exhausted I was staring into his squishy little face for the first time, too tired to lift my arms and squeeze him, filled with relief and joy and peace. I thought of his first night home, kneeling in family prayer, Jeremy holding him wrapped like a burrito while two year old Madeline, sitting on my lap, uttered her sweet prayer. 

A hundred memories flashed through my mind, all revolving around this tiny child of God who has brought so much light and happiness into our lives.  He has been a delight since the moment he first existed. 

Happy Birthday Luke. I love you.



December 18, 2015

five years

(All images by the fabulous Meghan of Meghan Rose Photography)

I woke up at 8 o'clock (!!!) this morning on our fifth anniversary, to the sound of four bouquets of flowers being tossed on my pillow by three people that make my life go round, who gave me two cards telling my they love me, all orchestrated by my number one, my husband. 

These past five years have been the highlight of my life. It would be incomplete without Jeremy. I love being together, whether it's on a date or just at home making dinner as a family. I love kissing him goodbye in the morning and kissing him hello at night. I love the way he makes me laugh and the way his arms are ever ready with an embrace. He makes me want to be better, live more and chase my dreams. He's supportive and patient and he's the best dad my kids could ever ask for. I'm pretty sure I'm not the easiest person to live with, I probably wouldn't want to be married to my emotions ;) But somehow he not only sees beauty in me, he reminds me of it daily. 

Jeremy Wells, I love you. I look back on our time together and smile because you've made me the happiest girl around. Here's to the highs and lows and always reaching out for each other again. To an eternity of growing together and the many adventures ahead of us, happy anniversary.

December 16, 2015

santa

As we headed out to the Zoo to meet Santa by the penguins, Madeline came up to me and said,"Mom, I'm not going to be scared like last time, I'm going to tell Santa I want a piggy bank for Christmas".  I'm not sure where this piggy bank idea came from, but she really wants one. And she was pretty bummed she didn't get one for her birthday, which means she'll be all the happier when she discovers Santa has brought her one Christmas morning. I can't wait :) 

If you can't tell, Luke was completely astonished to see Santa. He kept saying, "Da... Da.... (Dad, Dad) Anta! Anta! Da - Anta!" He really couldn't believe his eyes. It was kind of adorable.

December 15, 2015

our home is dressed for christmas

The way a room feels is really important to me. I love the way pattern and texture and color come together to determine how you feel in a space. I love DIY projects and I'm happier when our home is pulled together just right. Which doesn't mean I'm done, because "just right" is always changing. I'm a free spirit, and that's ok. 

I tried for years to put myself down for being "vain" or "worldly". I couldn't understand why I cared so much, and it really messed with me. 

I sat in the Temple one day wishing God had giving me the gift of being an academic. Why wasn't I good at math or science? Why didn't I love working with refugees or saving the world by purifying water or something?! 

Then I realized how wrong I had been. How sad it must have made God to listen to my troubled heart complain about my gift of creating. God Himself is the great creator, the creator of worlds without end and the reason we are in existence! I looked around the celestial room and had an overwhelming appreciation for all the creators who worked together to make this house of God. A beautiful space where the spirit could always dwell. Architects, interior designers, textile designers, seamstresses, contractors, furniture builders, florists, and whoever builds those immaculate chandeliers. People who have spent their lives building their talents for creating. 

I have no plans or goals to help in the design of a Temple, but we needed those people! My small creations may only serve my family, that's ok, enough for me. In some small way, each time I create I feel closer to my maker. I should never wish that away.

Since that day in the Temple several years ago, I've been slowing discovering my style. I've made a lot of big mistakes, like the busy curtains (they can be seen at the end of this post). They're certainly not bad, just not me. If anyone wants eight curtain panels, please let me know! And the wingback chair we pained lime green (???!!!???) to match the curtains I didn't like? All this while living with floral couches (that we donated recently and we love our new IKEA couch! Mostly because it's not floral ;) )  In the past month I've finally felt really at peace with our house. Which feels crazy to me, but goodness it feels right.  It feels like a part of me has been set free, like I know who I am just a little bit better. It's far from perfect, and I'm certain it will change over time, but that's ok. One of those pictures on the wall above the tv says, "It doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful".  How true that is.

My favorite thing about this style we've come to love is the neutrals that provide a perfect backdrop for any season, holiday, whatever. Right now our real greenery and pops of red are making my heart oh so happy.  Also, we did have a tree with ornaments and stuff, but Luke quickly made it clear we could choose no ornaments or broken ones, so we'll try again next year :)

Merry Christmas!


December 4, 2015

thanksgiving


It was a marvelous Thanksgiving, full of good food and great friends, we really can't ask for more than that.  My heart feels like it's brimming with gratitude, we are blessed beyond measure.