October 10, 2012

my baby

She's growing up.  

It's a bitter sweet feeling that I really didn't anticipate.  Each day my heart finds itself conflicted.  I long for her to be my little baby.  I've loved that she needs me and depends on me. Loved that there are certain things only I can offer her. And yet I want her to learn, grow and be who God intended her to be.  It's amazing watching her take in the world and try new things. I just didn't realize how hard it would be to let go of basinets and binkys.

Our nightly ritual of nursing before bedtime is becoming more and more difficult.  She wants to nurse but seems to think she's too big to be cradled or hold still long enough to accomplish anything.  It feels like this is the last piece of her babyhood I have and it's slipping through my fingers.  She's really more of a toddler these days.  Talking and walking almost more than she crawls.  

Nobody warns you that once you figure out the whole being-the-mother-of-a-baby thing you'll have to let your baby keep going.  No one said, "Hey, just a heads up, it's gonna be hard to let her grow out of babyhood." I know even better things are ahead for both of us, but I sure loved that skinny little baby.

So here I stand at the cross-roads of babies and toddlers wondering where time has gone.  Hoping she won't be a teenager tomorrow and getting married in two weeks.  Wishing she'd slow down just a little so I can catch my breath.  Praying I'll be at peace when I nurse her for the last time.  And fighting back tears just thinking about it. 


  1. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/devon-corneal/parenting-lasts_b_1874086.html

    1. Thanks for sharing this Mary! So beautiful, and so true. I loved reading it.

  2. Nursing was very emotional for me when Nathan was at that point. He wouldn't even fit longways in our glider so he had no patience for it. Weaning is very emotional. I just kept the positives coming: what I WOULDN'T miss about it, ya know? Wearing regular bras again, no engorgement ever, etc. :o)

  3. All I can really say is what I know about our experience thus far, and I am surprised by how much I am loving the stage he is at. He just gets cuter and cuter. He can run out of the room and grab his favorite book, bring it back, open it to his favorite page, and start saying the words, "Uh oh! duck!" (stuck). He'll drag me into his little tent and get so excited when I'm there. His favorite activity of late is throwing away diapers for me and 'helping' me sweep the floor. It's sad to think how fast he's grown thus far, but for me the sad longing for the baby I once knew comes in phases. And deciding to have another one has changed my perspective on that also. Well, there's a summary of my thoughts this morning :)


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